Stress and me..

"F&^* this exam" are one of the thousands swear words hurled, deliberately stressed to stress (note the pun) ourselves in Hons. room. Perhaps it's the human nature to swear when they can't take it anymore, or maybe we just so like to swear a lot.

I wasn't stress for the exam until today..In fact after my sweet exam this morning, I was on the verge of celebratory mood. Well, not really in "party" mode. Then came Leo the Overlord! :P..
Don't mistaken me for blaming him, in fact I'm thankful he comment on some (and many) mistakes I've made. I just wanted to tell you he came at the wrong time, at the wrong place. I was summoned to his office, and there it all begun.

If you've felt your body temperature suddenly rose, and you feel like suffocated, that's how I exactly felt it that time. I won't go to the gory details of mind torture he gave me, but it's enough to tell you the impact on me. I was so full, that I broke down in front of him and cried like a baby. I wasn't aware it was a shameful thing to do, but all and all I care less bout em. I think he was dumbfounded, and perhaps felt a little bit guilty. He said he's sorry, and all I can say is it's not normal for me to make obvious mistakes like those. It's perhaps the many many changes and S*** (there we go again, a swear word!) to be redone, while at the same time coping with tons of assignments that swarm like it's the end of the world(well, it was the end of semester, if that connects to something.). Stupid Jess does stupid things eh?

So, after calming myself down a bit, I left the office, and returned to the office. My concern friends were asking if I am okay as I took a seat. I was trying to tell them the discussion with Leo calmly. Well, it was just for a while, I thought I could go on. I broke down again, and this time they're a bit worried, and have no idea how to deal with crying girl I suppose. So all they did was sit there and say it wasn't that bad.

Now come to think of it, as I sat down writing this blog, I felt I am being paranoid with all these high expectations that I build up for myself. Don't know why I am pushing myself this hard, and when things get really hard, all I can do is cry. Twas stupid, and I think it's STUPID JESS' nature to do STUPID things.

Some people do nasty things when they're stressed, and if I in anyway being nasty to you in the coming few days (forecasting at least 2 weeks from now), then I apologise in advance. I'll try to stick with crying instead of cursing and swearing at people. I'd rather ashame myself, rather than make people hurt.