Dejected. Angry. Frustrated.
If you've been rejected before, then the above three items are the emotions that makes us feel, well, rejected. I'm feeling a bit down at the moment, or I should say for the last 2 days. I maybe or maybe not reveal what are the things that bothering me, but I can assure you these are the moments when I feel even more desperate for God to grant to me patience.
Well, to start with I'm not really a very patient person. I usually make decisions on impulse, or blink if that suits me better, sometime act recklessly with myself. In a sum, you'd call me quirky.
Two things that are important in our lives (well, I believed anyway); dream and money. Tonnes of these, the better off our lives are. One of my dreams has been squashed and I'm fully loaded with huge debt (yes, money debt!). And those two things are beyond my control.
What do I do in time like this? My heart is heavy that it almost felt like it doesn't want to beat anymore. My head is, well, unorganized. Cluttered with the what-ifs and it's now reaching the point where it's rational to start a morally wrong blame game. My body refused to take enough liquid and food to keep everyday thing going.
Where will this lead me?! :(. God, grace me with some strength in this trial time.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Deception (it's not a sequel of Inception)
I read the book that everybody perhaps has read (I know I am a little way to belated), the best-seller 'The Tipping Point' by Malcolm Gladwell. It's an interesting book, intelligently argued while I don't agree to some of his points I seen as more market-driven. But my opinion aside, it's a well researched book. So today's entry will be about one point that Gladwell raise in his famous book that caught my brain wired a little longer.
Little things can start an epidemic. In his book, his clear example was fare-dodgers and grafitti vandals are the tipping point of crime rise unabated in NY 2 decades ago. Why such a small (if not petty) crime is responsible for the following and more serious criminal activities in NY remained hard to eradicate, you'll have to get your hands on this book.
Now back to the little things tipping the big turns to follow. I've always been a staunch supporter against corruption. It's not something that I can sit still after witnessing this heinous act. Corruption is equivalent to robbing others their opportunities and options. It's denying them truth.
From the looking glass, I've always believed that the most efficient way to end corruptions is by making things transparent. We hear about it everyday, especially so in Malaysia local newspapers (controlled by the ruling govt) at the national level. And all the talks about here and there... But really, will transparency tip the corruption balance downward when people in power hold dear to the 'tidak apa' attitude? After all, they're the guys who wield the most money, the most vocal voice, and some with hollow cranial cavities.
Comment: 'tsk tsk' and turned a blind eye.
Little things can start an epidemic. In his book, his clear example was fare-dodgers and grafitti vandals are the tipping point of crime rise unabated in NY 2 decades ago. Why such a small (if not petty) crime is responsible for the following and more serious criminal activities in NY remained hard to eradicate, you'll have to get your hands on this book.
Now back to the little things tipping the big turns to follow. I've always been a staunch supporter against corruption. It's not something that I can sit still after witnessing this heinous act. Corruption is equivalent to robbing others their opportunities and options. It's denying them truth.
From the looking glass, I've always believed that the most efficient way to end corruptions is by making things transparent. We hear about it everyday, especially so in Malaysia local newspapers (controlled by the ruling govt) at the national level. And all the talks about here and there... But really, will transparency tip the corruption balance downward when people in power hold dear to the 'tidak apa' attitude? After all, they're the guys who wield the most money, the most vocal voice, and some with hollow cranial cavities.
Comment: 'tsk tsk' and turned a blind eye.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
In love with Linux!
Today has marked the 100 days I've survived without any Windows contacts! I'm one proud girl, yeah! I'm on Ubuntu Lucid Lynx--Linux for human beings!
Lemma 1: Linux for faster computational purposes.
I guess one big reason I've braved myself enough to switch to Linux was for the purpose of the simulations that are widely used by the scientific communities. My research requires a very demanding computational resource. Many if not all physicists around the globe share their research codes and most of them are designed to run in open source platforms. While, I've been a loyal wife to Windows all the way through my younger days in college, I'm finding it very inconvenient to dual boot the two OS when one is good enough (in fact better) to run things that I want. Undeniably, because of my incompetence in techie-stuff I've relied heavily on commercial solvers that have 'expiry date' on them. Once it's past the date, like bad bread, you just can't use them at all. So a safer route for continuing support will be switching to programs that available (and hopefully maintained) and easily coded.
Lemma 2: Linux for AWESOME GUIs.
It's mesmerizing to stare at your monitor, especially when viewing your simulated exciting optics theoretical behaviors (the things that I measured is not in the picture yet). Nuff said.
Lemma 3: The proud command-line user with Linux.
You think typing command on the black screen is cool? Imagine doing that in Linux? That's doubly cool! I'm in the process of abandoning my beloved mouse to do simple things like opening an Internet browser, playing my MP3s on a music player, even watching my movies on a video player. In Linux, all the effort goes as far as opening the terminal (command prompt for Windows users) with Ctrl+Alt+T then type the program that you want to open, like banshee.
Lemma 4: NO more death BLUE screen!
It's about time to forget about the blue screen that appears everytime you've touched something in Windows, and scrambling for installation CD afterwards.
All and all, my experience with Debian based Linux has been rewarding, and it helps me understanding the layers of the complex 'black-box' (where in Windows one would have to go to run, type e.g. regedit) on how a program should run. Well, maybe I should settle being a theoretician instead of an experimenter.
Comment: My history with free open softwares actually started years ago with RedHat and Fedora, but they never last more than 100 days and eventually my enthusiasm fade away because of the non-novice language that they speak. Debian based Linux (Debian, Ubuntu Xubuntu, Kubuntu etc) are good platforms for those who want to migrate from Windows. Plus, helps are abundant and most important of all, it's free!
Lemma 1: Linux for faster computational purposes.
I guess one big reason I've braved myself enough to switch to Linux was for the purpose of the simulations that are widely used by the scientific communities. My research requires a very demanding computational resource. Many if not all physicists around the globe share their research codes and most of them are designed to run in open source platforms. While, I've been a loyal wife to Windows all the way through my younger days in college, I'm finding it very inconvenient to dual boot the two OS when one is good enough (in fact better) to run things that I want. Undeniably, because of my incompetence in techie-stuff I've relied heavily on commercial solvers that have 'expiry date' on them. Once it's past the date, like bad bread, you just can't use them at all. So a safer route for continuing support will be switching to programs that available (and hopefully maintained) and easily coded.
Lemma 2: Linux for AWESOME GUIs.
It's mesmerizing to stare at your monitor, especially when viewing your simulated exciting optics theoretical behaviors (the things that I measured is not in the picture yet). Nuff said.
Lemma 3: The proud command-line user with Linux.
You think typing command on the black screen is cool? Imagine doing that in Linux? That's doubly cool! I'm in the process of abandoning my beloved mouse to do simple things like opening an Internet browser, playing my MP3s on a music player, even watching my movies on a video player. In Linux, all the effort goes as far as opening the terminal (command prompt for Windows users) with Ctrl+Alt+T then type the program that you want to open, like banshee.
Lemma 4: NO more death BLUE screen!
It's about time to forget about the blue screen that appears everytime you've touched something in Windows, and scrambling for installation CD afterwards.
All and all, my experience with Debian based Linux has been rewarding, and it helps me understanding the layers of the complex 'black-box' (where in Windows one would have to go to run, type e.g. regedit) on how a program should run. Well, maybe I should settle being a theoretician instead of an experimenter.
Comment: My history with free open softwares actually started years ago with RedHat and Fedora, but they never last more than 100 days and eventually my enthusiasm fade away because of the non-novice language that they speak. Debian based Linux (Debian, Ubuntu Xubuntu, Kubuntu etc) are good platforms for those who want to migrate from Windows. Plus, helps are abundant and most important of all, it's free!
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